Thursday, September 10, 2015

On Seeking and Scattered Perspectives

For whatever reason, I found myself glancing at my Blogger stats a little bit ago and... man. This blog has a disturbing number of page views considering how sporadically I even remember to post here. Blogger is different from old school interfaces like LiveJournal, I guess. The people you're "talking to" seem to be strangers for the most part, as opposed to people you actually know on any real level. Such people rarely comment or reach out, but they seem to be there all the same. They find you via Google, swoop in, stay a second, and then swoop back out.

I discovered blogging and the Internet during LiveJournal's big heyday, so there's a part of me that never quite got used to this whole "posting solely for the eyes of total strangers" thing. I had this brief period where I was technically doing that on LJ, but it was so long ago, I barely remember what it was like. I do, however, remember some of the things I used to wonder when I blogged there about relatively personal topics -- like family issues, or marital frustrations, or vague hopes for my life that I couldn't quite define at the time. I wondered what people perceived about me based on whatever snippet of my life they'd just consumed. I wondered what -- if anything -- they took away from whatever they read.

I wonder those same things about this blog sometimes. It's loosely centered on my spiritual life (as well as on interests I have that I consider to be somewhat spiritual in nature). But it's all over the place. There are bits about astrology or about tarot. There are thoughts on Catholicism and Christianity now that I've been exploring those systems in more depth. If you go way back, there are some pagan-based posts. Sometimes there still are. I still believe in all the same things. I just find I approach it all from a Christian perspective now that I've made that particular decision.

It all makes sense to me, but I worry that I come across as incredibly scattered to passersby. It makes me wonder how much the blog in its entirety would really appeal to anyone in particular. Pagans, nature-based believers, and astrologers are likely to sniff in the general direction of the Christian posts. Many Christians aren't going to approve of the fact that astrology and divination are still relatively large parts of my life. I suppose the answer to that is simply to stop worrying and just... write. The way I used to years ago before I became so very aware of how many eyes really will stumble across the things I choose to publish.